Roberto!
Roberto. Look, you can level with me. I had a bad scene.
You're missing your cues, that's all. You gotta follow me.
Don't hassle yourself, Mirko. Everything's ok. So far out, who's gonna notice?
Thanks, man. See you.
Mirko---
Son of a bitch!
--Hey! Just a minute. --What do you want?
That's cute, what do I want? What the hell do you want?
You've been following me for maybe a week now.
I'm sick of seeing your stupid face. Now what are you after?
Are you crazy? I don't know what you're talking about.
I've never followed anybody.
What're you after, man? What's your trip?
Lay off me, will you! Lay off!
I'm not fooling, see. Now beat it! I'm warning you.
Hello?
Hello!
--Are you still awake? --Yeah.
Good night. Good morning. Whatever the case may be.
--Who was it? --Nobody. Never said anything.
UNKNOWN BODY FOUND IN THE RIVER
Bye-bye. Good bye, ma'am.
You can take them back! And don't make the same mistake again.
I'd like to see you in my shoes, with all this mail to deliver.
--Hi. --Hi, Maria. What's happening?
Oh, that nitwit. He's always making mistakes.
Sometimes it's really embarrassing. He's giving me the old cripple's mail orders.
You know what kind of mail Rambaldi gets?
Swedish pornography! You wouldn't believe some of the positions!
Roberto. What are you doing?
--Nothing. --Why don't you come over here with us?
--Hey listen, I gotta tell you what I saw. --What's that?
--An execution in Saudi-Arabia. --Sounds gory.
They're still chopping off heads there.
This poor guy got his hands tied behind his back, and they force him onto his knees -
- in the center of this enormous square. Then the executioner arrives.
He's got this huge sword in his right hand. And a real thin stiletto in his left.
First he takes the stiletto and jabs it as a hard as he can into the nape of the guy's neck.
The whole body jerks rigid. Then before you know it the executioner's raised his sword, -
- the neck stiff, a nice clean cut and off with his head.
Oh my god, how horrible! Who brought him here?
Andrea, why don't you tell us about what you've been writing lately?
Alright. Here's a fascinating story. Something right up Mirko's alley.
It's about the funeral of a famous French chef. The service is attended by cooks from all over the world.
It's a beautiful and moving ceremony. Just as the coffin is about to be closed, -
- the mourners sprinkle parsley and paprika over the deceased.
Well at least that isn't as gory!
I could kill you now. But I won't. I'll wait.
Who's going to help you? The police perhaps?
You can't ask anyone. You're all alone.
--What's the matter? --Nothing.
I couldn't sleep. Go back to bed.
--I heard noises. --I said it was nothing.
No. Is something wrong?
And I feel so strange.
Please. You can tell me.
Something IS wrong.
--These last few days--- --I told you it was nothing.
I killed a man. A couple of days ago I killed a man.
What does he want from you?
I don't know. That's what's so crazy. He never asked for money.
He threatens me. Phone calls, letters, photos.
And tonight he nearly killed me.
Look. Everything, right here.
It's all gone!
Sure, that's why he came, he took them!
--Are you sure that guy's really dead? --I stabbed him, didn't I?
--Besides, it was in the papers the next day. --Did they give his full name?
Well no, it just said 'unidentified body.'
--You don't believe me. --What if it's all a bad dream?
You've been working awfully hard lately. Listen, tomorrow we can go see Enrico.
--He's a good friend. --Yeah? He's a shrink too.
--You think I'm crazy, huh? --I didn't mean that.
Ok, go to bed, leave me alone. Go on, leave me alone!
Roberto, what was the name of the man you killed?
--Carlo Marosi. --This must be his.
The initials are C.M. And it's stained with blood.
--Where did you find it? --On my dresser.
What are we gonna do? I can't go to the police.
I can't tell anyone. What are we gonna do?
Let's run away. Get away from here. It's the only way.
--You know where God is? --You surprised me, brother.
God is here, he's there, and he's everywhere.
And he's fishing down by the river. Hey buddy, you got a hundred lire to spare?
--I got fifty. --It ain't much but it'll do.
God!
Oh for Christ's sake! Godfrey! Godfrey, not God. What the hell is wrong with 'Godfrey'?
Think of something else to call me, something less appropriate.
If you're gonna call me God, at least you can call me God Almighty. Now what do you want?
--Just slumming. --Slumming, my ass. Come on.
How many did you catch?
Four. Nowadays the water's so polluted, they're too pitiful to eat.
When you catch'em all you wanna do is put'em to bed and call a doctor.
--Hey, Jerkoff! --What did I do?
No, not you, not you. The parrot. That's my food, Jerkoff!
Yeah, that's what he's called, Jerkoff. No kidding. Somebody gave him to me.
Said that was the name he was born with, so I couldn't really change it.
Still, I guess it's not very elegant. He will never crash high society!
What an introduction! 'My dear, I'd like you to meet Jerkoff.'
--You got a problem? --I'll say.
--You see, I killed this guy, and now someone's after me. --Is that all?
No games. I'm serious.
--Ok, what happened? --What do I do with this?
--Put it in your mouth and eat it. --It's raw!
It's good for you. High quantities of phosphorous protein and all that crap.
I'm not much for macrobiotics.
Just as I suspected. A typical victim of the consumer society.
It's like this. I killed this guy. I didn't even know him.
It was an accident. The police don't know about it.
But somebody else does. Someone who was there.
Took pictures of me killing him. Now they're blackmailing me.
But that's not all. It isn't just anyone.
It's someone who knows me pretty well. One night some friends were at the house.
And I found one of those damned photos stuck in between the records.
Half an hour before it wasn't there. One of them must have put it there.
--You gonna pay up? --I've got not money.
What about your wife? Her family's got money.
He's not after money. That's what's so weird.
He's just making my life a hell, and I don't know why!
Nasty business.
Now, take God's advice. First, get yourself a private investigator.
Have him check around... Tail you, protect you too.
'Cause if I'm not mistaken, and I'm not, your life's in danger.
Arrosio's a good private dick. A bit eccentric, but he's smart and cheap.
--Second, get the professor to watch your house. --The professor?
Yeah.
You know him. He's always lying around here in a hammock.
We call him professor 'cause of his elegant ways.
He kisses the ladies' hands, he don't pick his nose in public.
And I know 1,280 verses from the Bible by heart. What's up?
Let's say for a thou...
Ok, a thou five a day, I want you to keep an eye on the house of my friend here.
He's a great musician.
--Hey, you're blushing. --Who's blushing?
--You're turning red. Ain't he, professor? --As red as the Kremlin.
You see anything strange, like blackmailers and murderers or the like...
--I step in, right? --Wrong. You tell us.
--Oh. Fish? Can I have a fish? --No.
You bastard you!
What do you want? What do you want?
Special delivery..!
--Special delivery letter. I never... --I'm sorry. I thought you were---
--What do you want from me now? --Nothing. You don't understand---
I don't understand? You mugged me.
You tried to kill me. You nearly strangled me! What's everyone got against mailmen, huh?
Besides all the evidence I've got here, I saw you.
Yes. That's right.
Yes, exactly.
In cash.
Look, I don't care why you're doing it, I'm only interested in the money.
And don't try any funny business or I'll go to the police.
Understand?
Do you know the playground in the park? I'll be waiting for you there.
This afternoon. Right.
Amelia.
--What's the matter? --Help me! I'm locked in and someone's following me!
--Don't worry! I'll climb over. --Hurry!
It's too high, lady. I'll go over to the main gate.
No! Please don't leave me. Someone's after me. They're going to kill me!
--Nothing's gonna happen. --Yes it will! Please! Oh god, no!
--Hi, Roberto. --Hi, Dalia. How come---
My little cousin is taking a vacation. She's going to be staying with us for a while.
--If I'm a nuisance, I'll go. --Don't be stupid. I'm delighted.
Dalia, come and listen to this story. It's called 'The Rape of Frankenstein.'
--Why right now? How come Dalia is here? --She just showed up.
You know how she is. Would you rather I send her home?
Yes.
No, it's ok.
Just when the others went home. Keep dropping in without warning.
What's more, the maid's disappeared. I haven't seen her since this morning.
This Austrian psychiatrist is giving the baron the lowdown on why his monster's so bloodthirsty.
It's 'cause he's got no sex life. The beetle frustration. Causes the homicidal impulse.
The baron figures this head shrinker knows what he's talking about, so back to the lab.
This time his monster's gotta have... sex appeal.
Unfortunately the baron overdoes it, and the first thing the monster does is try to rape him.
The baron escapes in the nick of time. But he's bugged by the thought that -
- maybe this monster's queer. No way!
Now in the village the word is out. "The Frankenstein monster will rape anything in sight."
The local farmers scour the countryside. And so does the local schoolmarm.
Not a day over seventy, she rips off her bra and panties and rushes out.
More willing than able to sacrifice herself for the sake of science.
--What's with you lately? --Nothing, why?
Come on, Roberto. Something's wrong. You didn't even show up for rehearsal today.
I was busy.
Hello? Yes, that's right.
No.
Yes, I see.
Yes, certainly.
It was the police. They found the maid with her throat cut.
They said... it was a maniac.
Tomorrow I've got to go to the police station.
I'm scared. They're out to get us.
And it's not blackmail. They want to kill us.
I don't know how you can stand living here!
Knowing that they're somebody coming and going whenever they want.
Spying on you. Following you.
Just waiting to kill you.
What can I do?
You've got to make up your mind.
Either we leave here, or you tell the police everything.
Just remember one thing. I killed a man.
As frightening as it sounds, you think about it.
I'll get fifteen years. His name was Carlo Marosi. I killed him.
Hello? It's me. See you at my place, huh?
Yeah well, I think you WILL be there.
I'm pretty fed up with them, see. I read the newspapers too, you know.
This time somebody really got killed, right?
I wanted a son. Not a weakling like you! What have you done now?
You'll end up in an asylum! Asylum! Asylum!
--Did they steal your cat? --Yeah.
So it's true. Last night I saw someone run across the garden, with a cat wrapped in a blanket.
A black figure. Look what I got to remember him by.
I tried to stop him and woke up fifteen minutes later.
You watch out! This time I'm armed.
This way.
The bread we agreed on, well I've decided it ain't enough.
And here, you can have your toy back.
I've had it, see. First I gotta play dead.
Then I gotta risk my neck with these nightly visits.
And to top it all off, that disgusting business with the cat.
But now, a real killing - that maid.
Ok, so she found out. Did you have to kill her?
We made a deal, sure. But nobody said anything about murder.
Oh, can I help you?
No. Guess I made a mistake. I was looking for Arrosio, private investigator.
No wait, that's me, private investigator.
Oh.
You see... Well, never mind.
Oh no, don't go. I'm waiting.
Well, it's a bit risky, and I don't---
Ah yes, and you're thinking this fairy is gonna jump on a chair -
- and scream bloody murder if he sees a mouse. Right?
--Yes, that's what I thought. --Oh, you heterosexuals.
I don't suppose you've ever had a homosexual experience?
--Let's forget it, man. --Yes, we are men too, you know...
--Just a little different. --That's very comforting.
Who's paying? You?
What's he had?
Steak, three sandwiches, two eggs and a bottle of bear.
Guess he wasn't hungry.
Thank you.
I'm not sure I believe you. Your story's awfully shallow.
Can't think of a better one.
You know, this case is a real challenge. Fortunately the odds are in our favor.
--The odds? --Exactly.
You see before you a fully fledged, highly qualified private investigator, -
- with an extensive knowledge of modern science at his very fingertips.
And in spite of this, in three years of honest practice I haven't solved a single case.
--Not even one? --Not even one.
Interesting, isn't it?
--I suppose so, but it might mean that you--- --It means that, statistically speaking, -
- one of the most impressive records of failure is destined to be broken.
84 failures! A fantastic record! Incredible!
A record like that couldn't possibly last.
I could just sit in my office and wait for the criminal show up.
Please don't do that.
Oh no, I'll take a very personal interest in your case.
What do you want?
Please, inform the mail man not to leave any more of this filth at my house.
Had any trouble with your wife?
--Other women maybe? --No.
--Any money in your family? --No, nothing.
Your wife maybe?
--Well, she was left a fairly large inheritance. --Oh, haha.
--What do you mean 'oh haha'? --Oh, nothing, just 'oh.'
Look, you don't think--- What have you written there?
Oh! Nothing, just notes.
Ok, let me off here. You won't realize I'm around.
I'll contact you by phone.
It looks like trouble. They've been in there half an hour.
Beat it. Get thee out thy country. Genesis 12:1.
Commissioner Pini, my husband.
I'm going with them. It's about the maid.
They showed me a picture of the body.
It's horrible.
--Mrs. Tobias. --I'm coming.
Listen, you can stay here if you want, but I can't take it anymore.
I'm not coming back to this house. I've got to get away.
I've made a decision too. Sticking this out is better than going to prison.
So I'm gonna stay here.
But you're right, it's better for you to go.
Visit your relatives for a while. Give me a call now again, huh?
I'm leaving tonight.
--Why didn't you go with Nina? --None of your business.
Don't get exited. It'll all work out. You'll see.
--Or what? --Nina told me the whole story.
The blackmail, everything.
--Don't worry, you know you can trust me. --Sure.
Besides, Nina was so upset, she needed someone to talk to.
Ok, so now you know everything. Have any bright ideas?
Yes, first thing is a nice hot bath. To relax you.
--Then you can think about it. --Don't miss your train, Dalia.
--Oh come on, I've got some relaxing bath salt. --I don't want a bath!
Oh god! Roberto!
You idiot! You really gave me a fright.
Soaked through. Come on, sit up and I'll massage your back.
Is that better?
Hey! None of that now, you hear?
You know, besides being cousins, Nina and I are very good friends.
But I'm not sorry we're making love. Kind of sick, don't you think?
Hi hi. I need more evidence.
Like letters, things sent by the blackmailer, photos of you, your family, friends, addresses.
--Anything you can find. --Everything is right here.
--About a hundred photos, the whole works. --Thank you.
--Oh, the missus I suppose. --No, she's a friend, I mean a relative.
--Good evening. --Good evening.
Wait a minute. I've got the wallet right over here.
--What was it? --Nothing, just a nightmare.
--You missed your train. --I have an idea it's not the only one I'll miss.
No, it's impossible.
No no no no.
It's me, Arrosio. No real news, but I was studying the photographs -
- and I noticed a strange physical resemblance.
--Between who? --Well, it may be a red herring. I'll tell you another time.
Oh by the way, i wanted to let you know, you may not hear from me for a few days.
--Ok, bye. --Oh hold it a minute.
Sorry, does this name ring a bell? Villa Rapidi.
--No, never heard the name before. --Ok. bye. --Why..?
Yes, it was a form of paranoia. In its early stages it was characterized by violent outbursts.
I would definitely describe it as an extreme case of homicidal mania.
The patient was here for three years. After the father died -
- all symptoms of emotional disturbance disappeared.
It was our opinion that the patient was completely cured.
However, there's one important point I would like to emphasize.
We suspected that the man was not the patient's real father.
Roberto, telephone.
--It's Nina. --Hi, honey. Ok.
No, no news.
No, I'm not leaving.
I've already told you.
--Hello. Looking for something? --Oh, hello, I was looking for you.
--Me? --Yes.
I immediately thought, I'd be renting the place to carry on. But nobody else ever comes. Really.
--Is that so? --I'd hardly tell you a lie.
Oh no, I believe you.
--Hold up, our friend's leaving. --Thanks for everything.
--Don't mention it. Telephone me sometime? --Ok. Bye.
Pardon. Excuse me.
I was right. I did it this time.
That I've actually established that in 4,000 years of civilization -
- there have been only 230 years of peace. Incredible, isn't it?
Look, Andrea. I'm just not in the mood. What did you wanna see me about?
Nina telephoned me. She pleaded with me to convince you to join her.
--I see. Thanks. --Hold on and listen for a minute, will you.
I don't know why, but she's terribly worried about you.
Why don't you do as she says? Is there another woman?
--No, not exactly. --You want your marriage to break up?
--You wanna se Nina end up like Maria? --What does that mean?
Well, she wouldn't want me to tell you, but the fact is, Maria is in love with you.
--Oh come on--- --Has been for years. She never got married, -
- never bothered with other men. She waits, in silent adoration, like a little dog.
IN A SUBWAY STATION... A PRIVATE DETECTIVE WAS FOUND ASSASSINATED
Ladies and gentlemen, note the beautifully finished interior.
None of that cheap, old-fashioned satin, no siree. Nothing but the best, -
- pure hand-woven silk. And I'm happy to announce our special offer.
To any person, God forbidding, who should pass away during the period of the exhibition -
- we have a discount of 25 percent.
Make it 50 and you've got a deal.
Some place you picked to meet.
I did it deliberately.
Seeing all these worms make a living out of death kind of knocks the fear out of you, right?
Let's face it, everyone has to die. Death's a commercial necessity.
Excuse me, could I have a light?
Thank you.
And if that's not enough, I keep having this dream about an execution.
The strange thing is, during the dream, it's as if I were living there.
You're very kind.
Like maybe it's a premonition, or an omen.
Can that sort of thing happen, or do you think I'm cracking up?
Then was the secret revealed onto Daniel in a night vision. Daniel, 2:19.
Exactly. Now take my advice. Things are really serious, more serious than we imagined.
--If you go to the police, level with them. --Sure, and go to prison for the rest of my life.
Step right here. Try it for size. There. Is that alright?
It's a bit narrow. I feel uncomfortable.
Well, I can assure you that none of our customers have ever come back -
- with a complaint about the comfort of our coffins.
Still, it's a bit gaudy.
Someone, obviously suffering from paranoia, is playing a game with you.
I can't figure out why, but I think someone is trying to drive you crazy before finally killing you.
Another charming idea. But what about the other murders?
A double coffin for double deaths.
Something must have fouled things up.
Someone probably caught on, realized who was persecuting you, -
- and that's why they got murdered. The murderer began to enjoy killing.
He probably thrives on the blood, the torture of a human being. The killer's a homicidal paranoid.
Cases like that commit the most horrendous crimes for what appear to be the most insignificant reasons.
Why don't you try taking your wife's advice and clear out for a while?
Where to? Do you think that would solve anything?
I don't know, it's worth a try.
You'll end up in an asylum!
I wanted a son, not a weakling like you!
If you get hit once, you hit back twice.
Hello? No, not at the moment.
That's impossible. It's important?
Ok, I'll get him to call you at home.
Hello?
Ok, play it back.
A girl phoned before, Dalia. Said it's important you telephoned her at home.
--Mrs. Tobias. --Yes.
Excuse me. We intend to carry out a series of tests on the victim.
I was wondering if a member of the family would like to be present.
--Her parents hardly seem in the condition to--- --Neither am I. Speak to my husband.
--Won't you come this way please. --What's this all about?
I want to have a test performed. On the girls eyes.
It's been recently discovered that the last image seen by the victim before death -
- is retained for several hours on the retina.
It's a very difficult procedure, but it is possible to photograph this image.
Experiments carried out in Germany, the United States and more recently in Italy -
- have had surprisingly good results. In some cases it's even been possible -
- to distinguish the murderer's face at the very moment he committed the crime.
--What are they? --They look like flies. Four flies.
Yes, you're right. That's exactly what they look like.
What does it mean?
Yeah, that's one solution. But don't leave the house.
Choose your own territoty, lock yourself in and hold out.
Sooner or later he'll show up. And you'll be ready and waiting.
But it's gonna take a lot of guts. You got guts?
I guess I'll find out.
Ok. I'll keep in touch.
--Hello? --Yeah. How's it going?
So far, so good. Nothing's happened.
--Want me to come over? It might be easier if--- --God? Hello?
Nina!
Roberto. What are you doing?
You scared me with that gun.
What are you doing here in the dark?
For a second... I thought...
God, Nina, you sure picked the right moment.
--What's the matter? Why didn't you come? --Look, you've gotta get out of here. Now, right away.
Listen, I've decided I was wrong. Somebody had to stay here with you.
But not now! Look, I can't explain, there's no time, you've got to get out of here, understand?
--In the morning, Nina, come back in the morning. --Whats' the matter, what's happening?
Look, I'm waiting for someone. Now you go out that door and you run.
You run to my car. It's parked out front. Now here's the keys.
Now listen, you get in that car and you drive. I don't care where, you just drive, just go, ok?
Now go! Go, I said!
They look like flies.
I'm a goddamn tool.
I sure didn't have to look far, did I?
What are you doing? Are you crazy?
You killed Dalia. That's what she saw. You did it. You did it all!
Get your hands off me.
I killed her.
All of a sudden you're so clever. How unexpected.
And now? What will you do now?
I wanted so badly to see you die slowly. Painfully!
Back! Back!
Why?
Why? Because you're so much like him.
First shot got the arm. It hurts?
I know what it's like.
I've suffered too.
By my pig father! He made me suffer!
Did you know? He brought me up as a boy.
He felt cheated, because he got a girl!
He treated me like a boy.
And he beat me! He beat me!
Said I was crazy.
Like my mother.
She died in an asylum.
Put me in it too. Three whole years.
Then my father died.
He died. Before I could kill him!
When I met you i couldn't believe it. You were like a miracle!
You look just like him. I wanna kill you.
No!
--I came here as quickly as I could. --She's crazy.